I love weddings! I am getting swept away with the romantic atmosphere and float on the streams of love and togetherness of the “getting-married” couple.
I got a precious present to start the New Year; my niece is getting married. And not only that I love her and her partner to be so much, they also asked me to conduct the wedding ceremony. I am so touched and proud!
First thought after I hang up the call from Israel and the tears of excitement dried was; “Oho, I need a dress!” and immediately started to look online for the best dress that is not white, not black and not red, without a pattern and quite fancy but not too much…
When my excitement winded down a bit and sanity returned, I started thinking of the meaning of it all. What is the step that they are taking and how relevant it is in these days of breaking norms and personal freedom? Especially as we know that in more affluent societies about 40% of marriages end up in divorce. And what gives a secular, liberal ceremony that its formality?
Writing the words I would like to say, my memory takes me to my own wedding and some other major events I went through with my husband, contemplating of what happened since. If I knew, would I do it all over again? Was it a good decision?
When I chose to get married, I was young and couldn’t imagine anything from what awaited me and him in the future. Just before the wedding, one of my best friends asked me if I want to live with him “for ever and ever”. I answered that I can only imagine 5 years ahead and we will play it from there.
And so we did. Life till now, as it is often, was a combination of great plans and many unexpected challenges, improvisations, losses and some precious presents. Some days we were “on top” of things and in others, we found ourselves challenged with threatening unpredictable situations.
Also with each other, there are times of love and team work, fun and desire and times of complimenting needs and support. Life as a couple gets organized by the changes and needs of the individuals and new languages are created. But there are also times when we can’t find the right words to connect, that we “don’t get each other” or that we are just distant or bored. Temptations and new excitements can also be confusing, as we don’t turn blind when we get married.
But especially on those times, when I questioned the whole relationship the commitment and the structure that brought us to create a life together were so important. Thinking of breaking it made me also think about how it all begun, how full of love and truly beautiful it was, natural and yet surprising and funny. I remembered our initial intentions and it inspired me to work it through and see above the temporary hazards. I would ask myself if I still love him and till now my answer was “yes – I do”.
Weddings are declaration of intentions. I choose this person and I declare to myself, to my chosen one and to the world: “I want to live my life with you, I want to grow with you and change towards you and this wish is bigger than my temporary feelings and the difficulties that we might encounter on the way.” This declaration holds within it a risk; I put my future and my energy in your hands. I make myself vulnerable in front of you, wanting “us” to workout, without facades or holding back.
It definitely doesn’t always work. It is hard to predict what will be right for us in 10, 20 years and it is always a very personal decision. We can only intend and commit to give it the best of us. I think that this mutual decision for each other and the risk taking gives this intention power. It creates the depth and trust that is so needed for developing and building a new shared future.
I find it beautiful.
Living with someone doesn’t fit everyone. There is definitely lots you have to take in and sometimes adjust. Your boundaries are not always respected and your wishes are not always satisfied. But some of the time they are. And that is a lot.
The short version; I am lucky. The man I married is sweet and generous and he knows how to make me laugh. These qualities I learned to appreciate very much over the years. I love him. And after many years, that we had a family of two (and a dog), we even have a young son together. I still want to live with him. For ever and ever? I can imagine 5 years ahead and we will play from there.
If you are facing a life choice and you want to have all your body and emotions involved in your decision you are welcome to Contact for an Introduction Meeting.